“Fade into view, it’s been a while since I have even heard from you
I should just tell you leave ‘cause I
Know exactly where it leads but I
Watch us go round and round and round each time.”
Confusing guy: We met nearly three years ago while organizing a charity event and have caught up three times since then (and ran into each other in a nightclub once). First time: definitely a date, second time: maybe a date, third time: just friends? On multiple occasions we have reached the stage of texting on a daily basis, once we talked on the phone for five hours. We have sent explicit texts and photos… but here’s the weirdest part: we have never even kissed!
It’s quite a messed up relationship.
Monday night I got a Snapchat reply from Confusingguy and next thing I know, cocktail in hand, I have sent him a text. Fuck. Why isn’t there a bloody unsend button on this thing? Stupid girl. Stupid, stupid girl. His number isn’t even saved in my phone anymore but my clever iPhone still managed to find the number under the last saved contact name “*first name* notworthyourtime *last name*”. He replied but asked no questions. ‘Good’ I think, he is stronger than you, you won’t start talking.
But sure enough the next morning he messages and before long I’m asking for a massage… and not long after getting into THE SAME argument we have had countless times. Basically me bringing up the fact that I NEVER see him and him making excuses about why.
It reached the point where he had nothing to argue back and admitted to having “a problem with commitment to people”. He continued, “I seem to get close to people and then something strikes me that says no. I don’t know what it is.” And finally: “I will make amends one day, I promise. I can’t put a date on it but it will happen, eventually.” To which I replied “Unfortunately I find that extremely difficult to believe.” “Goodnight. xo”.
Today, when my after work plans were cancelled I messaged again, maybe he’s free for coffee? Pathetic. Stupid girl, just stop. He’s not free; he is never free for you. When will I learn? Sure enough he’s busy: family stuff. But you know who messaged seconds after he did? NYEguy.
“So it’s gonna be forever
Or it’s gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it’s over
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex lovers
They’ll tell you I’m insane
‘Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game.”
I’m yet to reply to NYEguy, I mean you gotta play the game back, right? But I certainly see NYEguy being part of my future.
Hopefully Confusingguy and I are finally going out of style. But I’ve got a blank space baby, and I’ll write your name.
Coffee, Dinner, Your Place. 